Anime Hajime Review: Fantasista Doll

Series Synopsis

When she was younger, Uzume Uno (voiced by Ayaka Ohashi) was a champion card game player. Over the years though, she has moved on from the hobby she once loved and is now in high school. Timid and shy, she has difficulties standing up to people and saying no. Although sometimes inconvenient, she has come to accept this as part of her daily life.

That changes when Uzume discovers that someone has given her a strange cell phone. Not sure of what to make of it, she's given no time to investigate as she is suddenly attacked by an underclassman named Kagami Todori (voiced by Sachika Misawa). Kagami is in command of a powerful female warrior and quickly corners Uzume.

Trapped, everything appears hopeless until Uzume hears a person calling out to her. The voice offers to help if Uzume agrees to a contract. With little choice, she accepts.

The phone Uzume was given lights up and manifests a yellow haired girl named Sasara (voiced by Minami Tsuda) who defeats Kagami. Sasara explains she is one of a many artificial dolls who can be summoned through special cards in battle and Uzume is her new master. The rest of the team includes Kaita (voiced by Sora Tokui), Shimeji (voiced by Chinatsu Akasaki), Akari (voiced by Akiko Hasegawa), and Madeleine (voiced by Sayaka Ohara).

The responsibility of being a doll master is a daunting task for the introverted Uzume and she isn’t sure if she's up to it. However, there are other doll masters out there seeking to collect her cards. Despite the reluctance, Uzume begins to show that she is a formidable commander; turning her team into an unbreakable friendship.

Series Positives

My opinion of Fantasista Doll…its f@#$ing bad. Like wow, this show's just so not good.

There was never a point during my viewing where I though anything was decent or redeemable. From beginning to end, and especially the end, this series never won me to its side. To give a little credit, Fantasista Doll, overall, wasn’t horrifically painful to sit through. It got there eventually, but more on that in a bit.

I won’t wait to say this since this was the seed which started this train wreck. The show does not explain itself in a timely fashion. It takes…oh I don’t, until about episode ELEVEN for us to finally learn what the dolls are, where they come from, what the mysterious shadow group chasing Uzume is, and what the hell is happening. EPISODE ELEVEN, OUT OF TWELVE!

Why? Why do that? That’s not clever, that’s not good storytelling, that’s bull crap. I honestly thought the show was going to simply skip over these points altogether. While that wouldn’t have been good, it would've been better.

How does that make sense, you might be wondering?

Despite not knowing what was going on and the character not giving a s@#$, the show had parts that I didn’t hate and could accept them for the mediocrity that they were. These scenes and moments weren’t even close to me even considering a recommendation. But I’ve seen worse, I’ve seen way worse.

Then the show proceeded to get worse and to see it unfold was like watching a great tornado off in the distance. It’s devastatingly awful yes, but god damn it it's hard to look away.

Series Negatives

For how much the series emphasized Uzume’s card playing past and the importance of a doll master’s deck, why was every fight a straight brawl?

I’m not a card gamer by nature, but I do appreciate the strategy and tactics that goes into a match. Watching two players who know what they’re doing is cool to see and that’s what I thought this show was going to do.

Nope. Every battle consisted of the two sides running towards each other and hoping they were the stronger one. Why have the card game spin when you’re not even going to use it? I'm not convinced Uzume has ever seen a deck game let alone be a champion at it.

Episode 10 Downfall

For the first nine episodes, I could tolerate the show’s stupidity. I could overlook the nonsense and sit there with a meh kind of look on my face. Had Fantasista Doll ended here, it would have peacefully slunk into obscurity.

Then episode ten showed up and what the f@#$?

One of Uzume’s dolls, Madeleine, is captured by the evil (question mark) organization that Uzume has been fighting. Now I thought there was going to be a big face off to get her back because what else could possibly happen? Well they could play poker.

I’m not joking; they have a five card poker match to determine Madeleine’s fate.

Excuse me, but why?

What made it more amazing was the amount of epic intensity put behind it. I love poker and while playing it can get intense, this show hams it up to a moronic degree. For instance, Uzume opponent (voiced by Satomi Akesaka) is dealt three sevens in the opening hand. Madeleine who's in the background sees this and is astonished by the level of skill a player must have in order to get such a hand?

What?! That’s not skill, that’s luck; the two are very different. It doesn’t matter though because the hand's folded anyway. As it turns out, Uzume is garbage, her opponent is just as competent, but for some reason Uzume’s mother (voiced by Masayo Kurata), who's playing because why not, is apparently a shark; you can tell by the way she shuffles the deck.

As the match goes on, Uzume’s mother leaves, presumably because these two are below her caliber. To put an end to the back and forth, it's decided to put everything on the line for one last round.

Uzume’s opponent gets a monster dealt to her and Uzume gets skunked. The pressure is on, what will Uzume do? This is her last chance to save her friend. With great determination she...wait for it...draws five more; next level gamesmanship tactics if I've seen them. All seems hopeless, but sitting there in Uzume’s hand are four beautiful twos. A miraculous upset showcasing Uzume’s skill as a doll master.

The whole time this is happening, I’m f@#$ing freaking out. GET OFF YOUR PRETENTIOUS HIGH HORSES YOU BASTARDS. THIS IS HEADS-UP POKER, ITS PURE LUCK. YOU COULD’VE JUST FLIPPED A F@#$ING. WHY ARE WE WATCHING THIS?

So I am not in the greatest of moods at this point in time, but the show continues to further piss me off.

The big baddy of the series turns out to be Uzume’s friend Komachi (voiced by Kaori Nazuka). This is a surprise to NO ONE since this was the one character who wasn’t contributing anything, but was still getting a significant amount of exposure.

And then it gets even better. Joy!

Komachi is also the doll’s original master and asks Uzume’s team to come back with her. Well of course they don’t since throughout this entire show, the one point that has been beaten senseless is the doll’s insecurities about being abandoned. Uzume has had to prove time and time again that she will never leave them; she cares about all of her girls, they are her most precious friends. Thus to have Komachi expect the team to up and leave Uzume as if it were nothing didn’t make any sense. It was simply time filler and a concocted attempt to add a hint of doubt and uncertainty to a story lacking anything substantial. In essence it was a poor start to…AND WHERE THE F@#$ ARE THEY GOING?

OH MY GOD THEY ARE LEAVING. WHAT…WHY? THIS WHOLE TIME YOU’VE BEEN HARPING ON THIS ONE THING AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO IGNORE THAT. IT DOESN’T EVEN LAST AN ENTIRE EPISODE. YOU KNOW WHY? IT’S BECAUSE WE ARE IN EPISODE 11!

Not only is all this bull crap going on, this is where I said the series finally decided to let us know what's happening. Show, do you honestly think that I give any sort of s@#$s at this time?

And then it ends. THANK CHRIST.

Final Thoughts

This one is stupid. This one is so God damn stupid.

Fantasista Doll is terrible. It starts off bad, manages to stay lackluster throughout, and then ends on one of the most moronic and contrived notes I’ve ever seen. What happened?

There was an idea here. There was a decent idea here. Why give yourself all this neat stuff to work and play around with to only then say f@#$it? If anything, I now want to see an attempt at a for real poker anime.

I wasn’t expecting anything from Fantasista Doll, not even this.

               Google+                           Facebook                           Twitter